We’re doing a hard thing.

And another hard thing and another hard thing and another hard things… what we're trying not to do is be hard on ourselves.

Hard things are worth doing. I believe that to be true. I hope that moving to Japan is a hard thing worth doing – I know that it’s a hard thing worth trying. 

A smattering of other really hard things we've done: get married in a pandemic, have a baby in a pandemic, buy a ranch, move to NYC, and survived IPO at Uber.

Hard things are all pretty taxing mentally, emotionally, and physically. Even if the steps themselves are small and manageable, the string of steps that it takes to make a move of this magnitude occur feels so hard. Sometimes it feels like I’m dragging my feet through mud to make it happen, and I don’t know why it feels like this. Why do I feel like I’m ankle deep in sludge when I’m trying to piece together the documents that I need to apply for my visa? Why can’t I find the motivation to respond to a simple email? But also, why am I beating myself up about all this?

I started writing this a few days ago and had to walk away - I now realize it’s because I was just sitting here, typing out words that were honestly just tearing me down, and no one needs that. It’s okay that I’m doing something hard and that it feels hard because it is hard. Yes, there are things that I need to do on certain timelines, and I need to hold myself accountable to those, but otherwise I can move at the pace that makes sense for me. I can take the time I need to process this change and create room for kindness to myself. It’s an impossibly hard task, but one that I want to rise to. 

So, I’m gonna pivot real quick. I’ve paused paid subscriptions indefinitely. If you’re a paid subscriber, I assume that will still let you go back and read stories about Han. I may still write stories about Han, but I don’t think that the Han this Day format will serve me through this next life change. I also think that reflecting on the upcoming days will feel a little to, “last of days” and make me sadder. So let’s not do it! I also think that for tax reasons, I need to not make money in the United States while I’m in Japan. So let’s just remove those complications for now. So no more paid subscriptions! For now. 

I’ve been reflecting on what I want to write about, the frequency with which I want to write, and what changes moving to Japan and starting a new job will mean for this space. I think some of that is only time will tell! But I do think I will want to write about Japan and how we’re navigating this life change, which is in my mind still writing about grief, but I might want to start building an online community through my writing. It might be nice to start fresh? I started a Yoga substack a while back that I ended up not using, but I do think if I created a separate space for my writings about Japan, it might be useful in some ways. I still want this space to connect with friends, family, and others that I have met on the hard journey I’ve shared here, but I’m wanting to let myself be open to new spaces, places, and ideas. I hope that you’ll want to join me, however this changes manifests. I’m sure it will be a slow evolution, and I’m excited to give myself a chance to grow.

Life updates! Things are coming together. Mike and I will leave Houston on May 20, spend a couple of days in Hawaii, and then fly into Fukuoka. We will be arriving before my job starts to find a place to live, apply for Mike’s visa, and start getting acclimated to our new life. It’s pretty crazy to think that we have ten days left in the country! Mike will be flying back later this summer to pick up Lincoln and finish his visa paperwork. 

There are too many goals to list! You will probably not hear from me until after we’re in Japan. Or maybe you will because I’ll have something that needs to be said. I love you all! Think fondly of us and feel free to check in anytime. Time zones be damned!