Thank you for sharing this. My daughter has CHD, and I can relate so much to how you.. exist in the world. Your thought process, framing, etc. I can say I am so sorry for your loss, but I also know these words are not anywhere close to big enough for the agony you have endured.
"If I think or say, or don’t think or say something, then something bad will happen because the universe has a poltergeist that plays tricks on us. A specter that takes the smallest inch we give and runs a mile."
That is a very accurate description a deep aspect of the human condition, one people usually can't, or don't want, to put words to. Thanks for sharing. My heart breaks for what you have endured.
One of my favorite ideas I've ever written down! I guess favorite isn't quite the right word, but it felt so real once it was out and has resonated with so many people in a way that is haunting. The word is a scary place, especially in the unknowns.
Hi Amy, I clicked on a comment of yours on Emily Oster’s page that went slightly against the grain and spoke to me. I didn’t expect to find another bereaved mother, describing some thoughts and feelings I have had myself. I’m so sorry for the loss of your gorgeous son Han. Life is so brutally unfair sometimes, I can’t still understand it.
I was surprised, and not so surprised, that the discourse went that way. I respect it but land somewhere else.
Thanks for following your curiosity and finding me here - I had hoped my writing would help me find more mommas like me. I am so sorry for your loss and hope that you are weathering your storm.
Oh Amy your story is just so heart breaking, thank you for sharing. I wish I could fund another month of travelling for you guys, what a way to process the grief. I'm so happy that guilt is not part of your experience because you clearly loved (and still love) Ren so much. Your pictures are so gorgeous, you can feel how much love he experienced in his short time here. Sending you both some love, enjoy the last leg of the trip insofar as possible. Xx
I haven't been able to shake this piece off since reading last night, I resonate so deeply. It's as though life is playing a cruel joke and every less than perfect thought I had about Mothering has been twisted into a hindsight foreshadow. All my superstition and ritual didn't guarantee a safe birth, and now the spectre laughs and drip feeds me tidbits of my own thoughts that spurred him. Sorry for bombarding you with my thoughts! I just find that you helped me to put words and shape around that feeling that's difficult to define, thank you 🙏🏻
Your bombardments are welcome here. It's so hard to process this kind of loss and I don't know if there will ever be a real making sense of it. I hope that the things that haunt you fade some with time, space, and work.
Thank you for sharing this. My daughter has CHD, and I can relate so much to how you.. exist in the world. Your thought process, framing, etc. I can say I am so sorry for your loss, but I also know these words are not anywhere close to big enough for the agony you have endured.
"If I think or say, or don’t think or say something, then something bad will happen because the universe has a poltergeist that plays tricks on us. A specter that takes the smallest inch we give and runs a mile."
That is a very accurate description a deep aspect of the human condition, one people usually can't, or don't want, to put words to. Thanks for sharing. My heart breaks for what you have endured.
One of my favorite ideas I've ever written down! I guess favorite isn't quite the right word, but it felt so real once it was out and has resonated with so many people in a way that is haunting. The word is a scary place, especially in the unknowns.
Hi Amy, I clicked on a comment of yours on Emily Oster’s page that went slightly against the grain and spoke to me. I didn’t expect to find another bereaved mother, describing some thoughts and feelings I have had myself. I’m so sorry for the loss of your gorgeous son Han. Life is so brutally unfair sometimes, I can’t still understand it.
I was surprised, and not so surprised, that the discourse went that way. I respect it but land somewhere else.
Thanks for following your curiosity and finding me here - I had hoped my writing would help me find more mommas like me. I am so sorry for your loss and hope that you are weathering your storm.
Oh Amy your story is just so heart breaking, thank you for sharing. I wish I could fund another month of travelling for you guys, what a way to process the grief. I'm so happy that guilt is not part of your experience because you clearly loved (and still love) Ren so much. Your pictures are so gorgeous, you can feel how much love he experienced in his short time here. Sending you both some love, enjoy the last leg of the trip insofar as possible. Xx
I haven't been able to shake this piece off since reading last night, I resonate so deeply. It's as though life is playing a cruel joke and every less than perfect thought I had about Mothering has been twisted into a hindsight foreshadow. All my superstition and ritual didn't guarantee a safe birth, and now the spectre laughs and drip feeds me tidbits of my own thoughts that spurred him. Sorry for bombarding you with my thoughts! I just find that you helped me to put words and shape around that feeling that's difficult to define, thank you 🙏🏻
Your bombardments are welcome here. It's so hard to process this kind of loss and I don't know if there will ever be a real making sense of it. I hope that the things that haunt you fade some with time, space, and work.